Christmas Conundrum

I remember decades ago when I was married, trying to schedule who to be with on Christmas. (I am horrified to admit that at this moment I can not recall our first Christmas together. We had only been married a few months...while I know we spent it in San Jose with my family....the details elude me.) Our second Christmas I was nine months pregnant and we stayed in southern California with my InLaws. I was with child in a BIG way....our darling Rhiannon would be born into this world four days later.

By our third Christmas things were a bit more complicated. At the time I only had to coordinate between my Father, my Mama, and my InLaws. My parents lived only a few minutes from each other....but were 400 miles away from my home. They were recently divorced and we were all in deep grief over the loss of Bill, my brother. It was easy for me to justify taking our little family to be with them. I'd spent most of the past four months flying back and forth between southern California and northern California as it was. Christmas and the following week of Rhiannon's First Birthday (and the first of Bill's birthdays without him) included much shuttling between my parents' homes.

A couple years .... and a divorce visitation schedule later... the complications increased. Rhiannon was with her Dad for the first part of Christmas break...until ten pm on Christmas Eve....then with me for Christmas day until the evening and back with her Father until the next morning. THEN we had to add in Grandparents...and Great-Grandparents....and a significant number of extended family. Craziness.

When she was thirteen, I was blessed with the opportunity to make a quality of life decision and move us to northern California. Closer to my family....but distanced from her Dad and his family. That did not well serve her relationship with them.

My sister Cynthia's recent move to Santa Cruz puts her and I in the same city as our Mama and Joe, our stepdad. You would think that would make it easier...but...no. It appears us all being in the same city makes things far more difficult.

Several years ago I was blessed with having two other children, Lauren and Cameron added into the mix part time. In order to celebrate Christmas with them we have to take into account the schedules of their father's family...their mother's family...and whomever their father is dating at the moment. Then we try to find a time we can snag Lauren and Cameron from their obligations to join us. It saddens me to say that it doesn't always work out.

Now Rhiannon has Jon. I love Jon. And I love Rhiannon with Jon. However... Jon has a Mother. And not surprisingly, this woman apparently wants to see them on holidays as much as I do. Since there is a possibility I may someday have to share Grandchildren with this woman, I am trying to be gracious. Seriously...the end result is an awful lot of driving for Rhiannon and Jon between San Francisco, Santa Cruz and Sacramento. Not to mention the fact they need to occasionally include her family in southern California.

sigh.

It seems borderline lunacy to contemplate additional components to the conundrum. However, I have come to the realization that at some point...I just may want to be married again. The least of my concerns is accommodating holiday schedules...but it does occur to me that several additional schedules could come into play. Another one of the many reasons not to get involved in a long distance relationship. (smile)

I have yet to spend Christmas apart from my daughter. I know the day is coming....but still....I also know it will be very difficult for me. Am I willing to "give up" Christmas with Rhiannon so she can accommodate others...and so that it will be easier for her and Jon?

Really?

Truly...the thought of them driving hundreds of miles on Christmas Day merely to accommodate their respective matriarchal mandates alters my perspective.