santa cruz wharf

05 February 2009

football ~ cross dating

I'm gonna be the Queen of DeNile yet again today and not write about what is really plaguing me.  I made a comment on another blog* this morning which stayed in my mind... and parlayed it into a little post... I'm considering doing a whole series of little football vignettes...

I grew up watching football. As a two and three year old, I had an imaginary friend I called 
Chandler.  My folks figured out I had taken the name from Don Chandler who played twelve years with the New York Giants, when I would point at the TV and say his name.  After moving to California we embraced the 49ers. My brother played highschool ball. I matriculated in the PacTen.  Sugar Cookie was a rah-rah, quotes stats better than Michaels and Madden combined, and has a buddy who quarterbacks in the NFL. Little Missy starred in futbol....but crossed into football as kicker for the boys' team.  The Bear Cub was born to play football, but had to give it up. The only birthday party I have allowed in a decade was a football theme. I like the game.

A few years ago I had two kids playing high school football at the same time.  The Bear Cub was a natural born Center.  As a sophomore he was called up to Varsity...which he ultimately rejected as his sister Little Missy found herself recruited to be the Varsity kicker her senior year.

Players on two teams meant two games every Saturday and two player/family dinners just about every Friday night.  You end up spending a lot of time with these people.  A fairly accurate cross segment of the Santa Cruz demographic these were not stereotypical "friday night lights" football parents.  They were surfers and cyclists and a couple silicon valley geeks who never saw a game till their son played.

As usual, many of these kids had divorced parents.  The large majority of which were remarried...some in same sex domestic partnerships. It was an interesting combination of parents, grandparents, and step parents.  Two single moms.  Twelve single dads. (smile)

The Friday dinners were geared to carb up the kids.  Dozens of highschool males consume a frightening amount of spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread.  You can't imagine the pounds of pasta and meat sauce we would go about half an hour.  Once they were finished eating...they gave us hugs...and they were gone.  It was Friday night after all...they had better places to be. 

After they skedaddled the adults would group up...savor our meals...sit around praising each other's offspring. After the first week we started bringing wine and adult desserts... before long it became a real social event.

There was one father, Jim, who kinda had a thing for me.  We hadn't formally met until that football season, but we had mutual friends outside of the highschool group.  We had been at the same 4th of July barbeque, and seen each other at a birthday party or two.

One Saturday well into the season, after the games Jim caught me in the parking lot and asked me if I wanted to go grab dinner.  It was fun enough...just a casual dinner...nothing to write home about.

The next Friday evening while waiting for the feasting to begin...he asked me out again.  It was pretty private...but my exso (ex significant other) overheard...and later came over all territorial.

Now I will tell you that my exso the ladies man.  (
cue the music.)  At this point, we hadn't been together for years.  Most of the time we get along just fine.  Each of us have dated people who didn't like the other...and vice versa.  But my exso knew this guy...had known him for decades.  Not to mention the fact he actively dated from the "mom-pool" of other mothers at the highschool.  Not all of them single. Still he was objecting in hushed tones.  I wasn't really interested in the lecture, so my crossed arms and eye daggers were probably what summoned my backup.

Little Missy comes over all raised eyebrows and say's "so...whatsup?"  Her dad blurts  "kat went out with Jamie and Randy's dad."

"Yeah, we know"  She nods slowly with a smirk on her face. Both her dad and I speak at once. I'm wondering how.  He's demanding to know why she didn't tell him.  Turns out Jamie had told her.  Oh.Good.Lord. Jim tells his son...and his son tells Little Missy.

I say to her, "men are far bigger gossips than women"  she gives her dad a "whatever" and we head over to eat.

The next morning is Saturday...Little Missy and I are standing on the edge of the field waiting for The Cub's game to begin. 

Now, Jim's exwife was a team mom...her and I were friendly.  Since they had a player on both teams as well...we would commiserate the long Saturday schedule, and work the snack shack cetera.

She comes up to us and says to Little Missy, "Hey can I talk to your Mom for a minute?"  Little Missy damn near snorts coke out her nose (the liquid...soft drink variety) She just knows what this is about...and saunters toward the bleachers.  Traitor.

I am totally prepping for this woman to give what she perceives as wise counsel on why I shouldn't date her ex. So I was stunned when she asked my permission to date my ex.  Praise God for the sunglasses masking my expression.   I was incredulous.  Not so much that he had asked her out...but that she was coming to me to see I was okay with it.

I assured her that it was fine...I had no problem with her going out with my ex. I reassured her again.  I contained the instinct-bitch response of "ya know he's just asking you cause I had dinner with Jim." 

But the third time she asked if I was sure, I turned toward grandstand and nodded at the crowd gathering.

"I may have been the first...but there are no fewer than eight of us here who have gone out with him.  We're thinking about getting jackets."

I smiled and walked away.

I never dated from the dad-pool again.

is a very funny and insightful glimpse into the life of an actively dating single father.


Desert Songbird said...

Next on Bravo: Real Stories of the Football Parents Lives.

dadshouse said...

OMG, that's hilarious. I can see you all in those jackets.

btw - It was fun enough...just a casual dinner...nothing to write home about. - yet, plenty to blog about. Haha. (smile)

I've never dated from the school parents pool, mainly because where I live there aren't many single parents. But if there were - you've now given me a reason not to!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I've seen this one happen already. Not to me, but I was in the football group (college) while dating an ex boyfriend. These two in the group were both married though. To different people. Very dicey indeed.

Loved your story. I can see why you quit dipping into the daddy pool.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. ;)

Mimi Lenox said...

That is hysterical.
Men are so transparent.

Jeff B said...

I think it's safe to say I feel lucky that I've never been in the dating pool like that.

Mel said...

I think it's safe to say you did a fine job of avoiding.


But it WAS a story that made me chuckle!

Just sayin'.......

Mel said...

Yeah yeah......pot kettle pot kettle pot kettle.....BLACK!


The CEO said...

I am so lucky to have been married to the same woman for the last 38 years. We only have "family drama".

Dana said...

Oh my! Too funny!

I, Like The View said...

brings a whole new meaning to this Brit of the American "soccer mums" (even tho I don't think that's the sport that was on the sidelines to this story). . .

I mean that in a kind of curious and confused way. . .

communities are such weird places, eh

(oh look - curiosity, confusion and community: three more Cs for today!)

hope that whatever you're not blogging about isn't stressing you out too much


katherine. said...

DS: we'd call it "as the football spirals" ??

dads: I actually made that comment. She didn't think it was that funny. Thanks for the idea!

sandee: those situations can be a nightmare for everyone. I do not play with things that belong to other women!

mimi: aren't they?

Jeff: you are a very fortunate man!

Mel: pot kettle? sometimes the perfect response is better left

CEO: like are blessed!

Dana: it is now...then it was like being in an ephn soap opera.

ILTV: american football..but parents of teenage athletes are similar everywhere I would guess.

maybe this weekend I'll post about stuff. I hate cancer...ya know?

I, Like The View said...

I think a lot of us do. . .

The Teamster said...

years and years ago, organized sports were full of single mom's and dad's....and assuming the divorce rate is worse now then in the early 90's, i'm sure it's similar now....

The CEO said...

At least once a year, I foam at he mouth over cancer.

MindyMom said...

I'm so glad I finally checked out your blog and you told this story! I had seen your comment on the other blog about this and wondered about it. How freakin funny! LOVE the jackets comment you made. She deserved it for pressing the matter. I wonder why she did?

Mel said...

((((((( katherine ))))))

In your (our) own time, eh?

Just know I'm thinkin' of ya.
(and praying for you and yours)

Lorna said...

I'm coming back for more stories! Can I come back, though? Are you sure? Really? Are you certain?


Merisi said...

A little ex-change goes a long way ... ;-)

Congratulations on winning David's Post of the Day Award, which brought me here. :-)

Sandi McBride said...

You're too funny! Dad pools aside, football fiends are self described and really have no business intermarrying with normal folk! Great post! Oh and congrats on Post of the Day from David!

Poutalicious said...

Congrats on winning POTD. It was fun visiting here.

Mel said...

(((((((((((( katherine )))))))))))

Just a passthrough hug......