santa cruz wharf

13 October 2007

Jezebel or Jail

I’m coming out of Peet’s with my Noah’s…my usual Saturday Breakfast with the Boys...when all of a sudden I sense a chill…the rustle of a pencil skirt…the flash of a crown. Uh Oh. She’s found me. Mimi…Queen of the Memes has personally waved her wand at me…and I’ve been ducking her.

Not so sure…how you all got Jezebelic and Dancing combined…but who am I to question the Queen’s proclamation? Oh no….not me…I ain’t spending the weekend in her dungeon. However… with a perfectly executed arabesque…I respectfully bow out of tagging anyone else.

Before I even started kindergarten my father determined I was a bit of a klutz. Back then they called it “clumsy” and in my case it meant crashing into coffee tables and door jams while sporting a never ending series of bruises along the ankle and shin. Constant scrapped knees and knocking stuff over landed my little butt in ballet class. When we moved to California the first things they found were a new school, a new church and a new ballet teacher.

I took ballet lessons with a smattering of jazz and tap (oh my….how I love tap dancers) until I was well into my teens. Requirements of being a ballerina began to interfere with boys, field hockey, and eating whatever I wanted to…so I gave it up. An additional and more important benefit was NO MORE RECITALS. At that age they started wanting you to solo on toe. While I love to dance in a studio or in my livingroom with a friend…I loathed performing to the point of hatred. I would subsequently give up piano lessons for the very same reason. No more e-phn recitals. Why as children we were not allowed to learn dance and music without being thrust onto a stage in front of an army of parents and grandparents armed with every photography device known to man…I will never understand.

Ballet gave me an incredible education in music and movement, and an appreciation for many of the talents not found in science class. But I’m a grownup now. In this world one finds several stereotypical dance situations I tend to avoid.

First there is the group event….wedding, company Christmas party, class reunion…They cue up the dance music, the woman’s expression lights up as she tilts her head and smiles all cajolingly. You just KNOW she is saying….”oh puleeezzz huunnny….I luuuuuuve this song.” Typically the male response is adamant as he shakes his head…”oh no…no way are you getting me out there.” And you know after a few minutes of pouty lips, pleading eyes, and whispered promises while swaying in the chair in her own little lapdance she is going to stand up…pulling her guy upon to his feet and off to the dance floor. He is gonna make a big show of grudgingly going along with a “what can I do about it” shrug and an amused little smirk on his face. (everytime I see it happen…it makes me want to smack someone)

Then there is club dancing…where if you are my age and single…people stand around in little groups eyeing one another over the top of their drink…some avoiding eye contact…some bolding catching your attention. These days, everybody has a “wingman” for crying out loud…a buddy who seems to think they know better than you whom you want to dance with. The last thing I need is some recently divorced, out on his own for the first time, silicon valley venture capitalist, looking down my dress, trying to yell into my ear about how hot I am or how successful he is. Bleck.

Or worse yet…some tight gabardine-panted swinger stuck in the era of disco...a white suited Manero wannabe lookin’ more like the Czech Brothers being wild and crazy guys. Shaking his pelvis and waving his arms…nowhere in the same vicinity as the beat of the music…at a decibel level which will make me deaf far into the morning…Oh my Lord, just take me now.

Don’t get me wrong…with the right person … I love to dance. Slow dancing can be wonderful…in my mind slow dancing is foreplay. I only slow dance with someone with whom I have a far more developed relationship….and very rarely in public.

The one dance I’d still want to learn is...The Tango.


Matt-Man said...

Well if I ever run into you I wont yell into your ear how hot I think you are, but I will try to look down your dress. I'm funny like that. Cheers!!

Mimi Lenox said...

Yum. The tango.
But this post has made me never ever ever want to go to a public dance again. You're right. It can be downright awful.

Go on with your bad dancing self in your living room. Slow dancing IS foreplay and with the right person can be deliciously wonderful. (and not in public)


Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you dancing philosophy (especially the slow dancing)... if only for the fact that I have seen myself on more than one wedding video, and no one should have to suffer that indignity. Hearing my own voice being played back from a recording is goofy, seeing myself dance.... terrifying.

justabeachkat said...

Loved this scene in the movie and it was fun seeing it again on the video.

Sure wish I could dance like that.


Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

want to tango with sarge?

smiles, bee

katherine. said...

Matt: Only if you bring bourban do you get to galk at the ladies.

Mimi: Livingroom dancing can be enchanting....deep sigh...

C:) ah... evidence on film? wonder how much it costs to view THAT little scene...

kat: I can see you two tangoing...

Miz Bee: Is he giving lessons???

crazy working mom said...

Whew! I'm glad you got that one complete. I didn't want to lose you to the dungeon either!!!

Matt-Man said...

Consider it done!!

Marilyn said...

I love to dance... of course I'm the only one who thinks I'm good at it, but that's okay. I think you have to be comfortable in your own skin to dance sober in public... but I do wish they'd turn the volume down and I wouldn't mind being called hot (it wouldn't be true but I wouldn't mind).

Travis said...

That's actually the only part of that movie I enjoyed.

I'm not really able to do many of the Latin dances very well, although Pam and I started to learn how to Salsa last summer.

And yes, most dancing is foreplay.

Mel said...

Wow........great video for a Sunday morning over coffee.

We dance in the kitchen.
And in the livingroom.
And in the basement...

Yesterday we were dancin' and singin' in the rain.
Shhhhhhh....don't tell. LOL
(I'm almost sure the neighbours didn't see.)

cathy said...

so glad matt-man mentioned you in his stick figure post, now that I've found you I'll be back.

I love dancing and often just dance alone in my kitchen or with the kids if they aren't at school.
everyone young and old dances in Greece except for MY HUSBAND!
I can't 'alf pick 'em!

Turnbaby said...

I love to dance--in fact I taught disco dancing when I was in college--I have a dance [post in the works.

The DH can't dance--zero rythmn.

I would love to learn the tango--yummmmm.

Odat said...

lol, great post! So true too...but I still dance wherever I can and with whoever wants to...I love to dance...and I dont do it that well.....I would love to learn the tango too!

Linda said...

I have always wished that I could dance but I'm afraid that you weren't the only klutz out there! I got tagged with this one myself quite awhile ago but I'm rather hoping that Mimi conveniently forgets about it as I really have no dancing stories other than the one I told about dancing with Mo in Mag's kitchen last weekend. I'm pathetic like that!