Whiskey Tango Foxtrot ~ random flying thoughts

why is it that no matter what airport I am in...no matter what airline I am flying....no matter where I am flying to or arriving from...my gate is ALWAYS the very last one at the end of a very very long terminal.
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Adding chopped onion and green bell pepper to ketchup does NOT make salsa.
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How can the bar at Detroit Airport be out of Jack???*******************************************************************************
"y'all ain't from around here are ya?" (with an amused glance at my attire)  is only slightly less annoying than  "you must be one of them that's come from California" (which is accompanied by a disapproving sneer)
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Since when did the airline start charging extra for exit row, aisle, and window seats? 
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Do you think not serving those little bags of peanuts has been detrimental to the peanut industry? *******************************************************************************
I would pay the five dollars for the meals the airline use to served.  I am NOT paying five dollars for stale packaged crackers, fake cheese, a mushy apple, and a mass produced cookie.
******************************************************************************* Lately when I get on an airplane...I think Oceanic Flight 815....I calculate if I am in the nose or tail section....and I look around at the other passengers wondering..."what if.....??" 
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Me: excuse me....(tired but friendly, apologetic smile)...but...um...I believe you are in my seat.  (passengers packed in the aisle behind me collide into each other as they come to a screeching halt.)

GQ guy: oh...am I?  are you sure? (smiling sweetly)

Me: pretty much 
(readjusting my backpack which weighs only slightly more than my checked baggage...smile fades from apologetic to annoyed)

GQ guy (just sits there...smirking)

Me: raising my bordering pass between two fingers and raising my eyebrows simultaneously.

Stewardess (Flight Attendant):  is there a problem?
(she glares at me...giving me the glare for impeding the forward motion of other passengers...GQ Guy gets a big sweet smile....)

Me: (stepping between the seats and out of the aisle...eye brows still raised....handing her my boarding pass.)

GQ guy: (still smiling) ...
I would prefer to sit on the aisle.
would that be all right with everyone?

Stewardess (Flight Attendant): to GQ Guy...
"may I see your boarding pass?...you're in the center seat."
(exasperation replaces big sweet smile)

GQ guy: well yes...but I really would prefer the aisle...can you trade us?  (he beams a three hundred watt smile at the flight attendant...I have become invisible to him....)

Stewardess (Flight Attendant):  to Me
"would you be willing to sit someplace else?"

Me:  First Class? (conspiracle tilt of the head)

Stewardess (Flight Attendant): (slowly smiling)....sure. c'mon...
excuse us please...excuse us...(working her way back up the aisle.)

GQ Guy:  hey..wait...I'll move....(starting to stand up)

Me:  (smiling now....little shrug of the shoulders....)
"no really....that aisle seat is all yours."

(too bad it was a short flight and not the three hour leg of the trip!)