I’ve had a bit of experience with the healing of physical illness and injury. I have just about zero experience with emotional injury.
It is very difficult for me to have that sense of helplessness you feel when someone you care about is emotionally injured.
I don’t like being helpless.
I am gifted with strength and ability and faith.
I want to help. To heal.
To be there no matter what.
I listen to them explain their behavior.
Sometimes I am accepting.
Other times I have to ‘fess up… that um… yeah…
I know it is a deception.
They believe they deceive for self protection.
Self preservation even.
But it is deception all the same.
A group effort…others came to their defense…confiding in me how their past hurt them deeply. Stripped them of their beloved lifestyle. Taken away their security and self-esteem.
The others thought I should be different…but I was being me. The others didn’t like how I am…they called me bossy and pushy. My presence meant that the others lost influence and were no longer in control. The others were not happy. Wild child wisdom pointed out it is not unusual for twenty percent to dislike how I am. It no longer mattered what the others thought.
I tried being katherine-lite. While my heart ached to see evidence of the emotional damage… I avoided the wounds. I sidestepped the landmines.
I allowed the deception.
But those type of wounds don’t just heal up or go away by themselves. When the pain from their past makes a guest appearance in the present, it is so intense, the fragile facade they have built starts to come apart.
As the cracks begin to show, their cover up of choice is anger. Feeling out of control, they lash out. They fester over what life has dealt them.
Loved ones to worry about. Financial uncertainty. Hopes dashed. Long range plans derailed.
Their internal turmoil becomes malignant.
They scramble destructively to control whatever detail of their life they can.
They have so much pain they can’t control…they start to self-inflict pain that they can.
There is this point in time where I regain clarity…when I yet again point out….gently…and not so gently…what is true…and what is not.
And with authentic love in my heart…I can no longer accommodate the deception.
I am learning the hard way what I already knew.
When you allow yourself to be incorporated into deception… you will either become a deceiver…or ultimately… you will be deceived.