santa cruz wharf

29 September 2007

Cub told my trainer to watch out for my mouth...

I swear. I curse. I try not to take the Lord’s name in vain…but every other word is fair game. I don’t parent with hypocrisy…so at one point I tried to stop swearing to be a better Mommy. I went the financial incentive route…and established a home version of the office cuss jar. If the kids caught me swearing I paid them a quarter (each kid for each word they called me on)…and a dollar for the “F” word. My oldest the mathbrain kept a running total. I was shelling out about ten bucks per kid per week. (bad habits are expensive)

It was one of those evenings when I was late leaving work…three kids in the car….somewhere between two different schools…sports practice…music lessons…and I HAD to go to the market to shop for dinner. I was cutting through side streets avoiding rush hour traffic in the pouring rain.

The Cub was about eight years old and riding “shotgun.” The girls were in the backseat ranting and raving about their days at an ever-increasing decibel level. I drove by the overpass of the freeway…trying to judge if that would be the fastest route. Cub starts calling out…..”take the freeway…take the FREEWAY”.

The freeway is gridlock. Red tail lights goin’ nowhere. I avoided the onramp. The Cub is yelling now…TAKE THE FREEWAY….I WANNA GO ON THE FREEWAY!!”. I look over at my sweet boy...he has big tears pouring from his eyes and rolling down his face. He is totally devastated.

I stare at him incredulously and ask…

"What is wrong? Why do you want to take the freeway?"

In a full blown meltdown he wails,

“I MAKE MORE MONEY ON THE FREEWAY”

24 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

OMGawds - that is HILARIOUS! You're killing me!

katherine. said...

Songbird: it wasn't so funny then...now it is one of those sotries the kids tell when they want to make fun of me...

craig andrew said...

ROFLMBHAO!!!!

Jessica Morris said...

I wonder this every time I come to your blog... could you tell me about the header picture?? It looks so cool! Did you take it?

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh that is funny! really funny!!!

smiles, bee

Julie said...

I'm pretty new here and I just had to read this aloud to my hubby, Jeff. Little by little he's realizing why I spend so much time reading blogs!

This is priceless Katherine.

Mel said...

LOL

k.....that made me choke on the coffee.....LOL

Mimi Lenox said...

Laughing my prissy behind off.

Travis said...

Funny stuff!

JohnH985 said...

Too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

And I agree with Jessica, everyime I come here I am in just awe of the picture. It is wonderful.

Matt-Man said...

Bada Bing!! Very Good Katherine, Cheers!!

The Rock Chick said...

That is hysterical!!! I don't have too much of a potty mouth (ok, once in a while!), but my sister....OMG! My little niece wants to be a police officer so I designed a ticket book for her to ticket mommy when she curses like that :) There's different fines for different offenses...

Needless to say, my niece has quite a little nest egg put away :)

Jessica

ian said...

That's #&^$ing hilarious. :)

Ian

Misty Dawn said...

That is absolutely hilarious! Oh my gosh, I seriously just about spit Dr. Pepper all over the place over that one!

crazy working mom said...

Hah! That was one of the greatest stories I've ever read. Now on to the kitchen with my lap top to wipe the liquid beverage from the screen that blasted from my lips as I read the "punchline"!! Thanks, Katherine. ;)

Misty Dawn said...

Sorry, but you made pop come out of my nose on this one - so, I'm getting you back by tagging you with a meme - check it out on my blog ;-)

red tin heart said...

That is hilarius!! I have a problem cussing too. I think it is ingrained in me. I have came up with a few alternatives, like: If someone is being bad in traffic and cuts me off I just yell, You flipping liver licker!it is almost as satisfying. xo Nita

Mimi Lenox said...

You've been tagged by Yours Truly with The Jezebel Meme.

Amazing Gracie said...

I betcha you could make an easy $300 at Reader's Digest for this one...
That is seriously hysterical!
Tell the cub he made my day...

Bond said...

Katherine THAT is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time....That is a perfect Art Linkletter 'Kids Say The Darndest Things' moments!

Linda said...

Too f'ing funny! Kids are so astute, are they not??

Kai said...

Hehehe!!! That is priceless!! I'm sitting her alone giggling!

:-)

JAM said...

Poor kid must have calculated how much longer it was going to take to save up for whatever it is he wanted, and you just extended the time.

Oswegan said...

That's really funny. You gotta love those little back seat drivers too. And the decible level thing, holy crap, I can identify with that one.

btw, how did you get that little link to show up in your comment? Probably a dumn question, so you can email me the answer and oswegan@gmail.com

~Oswegan